Catching my breath

by Andrea on August 13, 2012 · 9 comments

This has been some summer. Jerry and I have done more traveling than at any other point in our relationship and it’s exhausting. It’s hard to believe there are only 3 weeks left before Oscar starts preschool. But I have to say that I am really looking forward to being back in a routine.

Personally, this summer has led to some good places for me. I feel more like myself than I have since Calvin was born and generally in a better mental state. We are enjoying each other and learning new things. Oscar is finally potty training (and pretty much trained at this point). Jerry and I are connecting really well and ready to celebrate our 5 year anniversary at the end of the month. In many ways, I feel like we rounded a corner as a family this summer and we are all better for it.

Each little step or change is a breath of fresh air. I am reminded that growing is good and beneficial for my soul. I was feeling particularly low the other day and I opened up the bible app on my phone. This was the passage that awaited me and it couldn’t have come at a better time:

“You have not brought me fragrant calamus or pleased me with the fat from sacrifices. Instead, you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your faults. “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again. Let us review the situation together, and you can present your case to prove your innocence. From the very beginning, your first ancestor sinned against me; all your leaders broke my laws. That is why I have disgraced your priests; I have decreed complete destruction for Jacob and shame for Israel.

But now, listen to me, Jacob my servant, Israel my chosen one. The LORD who made you and helps you says: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, O dear Israel, my chosen one. For I will pour out water to quench your thirst and to irrigate your parched fields. And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your children. They will thrive like watered grass, like willows on a riverbank.”
Isaiah 43:22-44:4 NLT
Too often I am mired down by my own shortcomings. I compare my life (looks, home, parenting style, etc) to anyone and everyone and ultimately come to the conclusion that I am not enough. I dutifully robe myself in guilt just certain that I am unlovable. And then I come upon a verse like this where God simply says, do you honestly think you are the first person to be selfish? Do you honestly think I am too small to love you?
And so I take off the guilt and I replace it with acceptance. I look around and see my blessings and these sweet faces. I go to bed in a house that we own and sleep on sheets instead of a dirt floor. I prepare food that we purchased and talk with my husband at the end of the day. And I know that I am cared for. And that life is good.

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