Have you ever had a season in life when you had to ask for help? I’ve had a few and let me tell you, I am not good at it. I don’t like asking for help. I don’t like admitting (much less facing) my imperfections and I don’t like actually dealing with them long enough to fix the problem. I am like a toddler, carefully choosing which cartoon character band-aid I want to put on the problem long enough to feel all better so I can rip it off.
This year has been one of those years for me. And I have failed at asking for help. In many ways, it’s been an awesome year. My blog has grown, I have deepened some really valuable friendships and of course, I am growing a baby. Lots and lots of good. Jerry and I are learning to communicate more and more each day and really seek to understand each other. We have an amazing and smart toddler who fills our days with laughter.
But even with all of that, I have had some really low-down moments. Times when I felt pinned to the couch, completely isolating myself from the world because it’s too hard, too hot, too cold or too exhausting to get out. The second trimester was particularly difficult for me and that is when I began to wonder if I was dealing with some form of ante-natal depression. I was never diagnosed, but I did tuck away a referral for a counselor from my Doctor deep in the recesses of my purse.
EEK. A counselor!? I have never talked to a stranger about my problems before. I have tossed around the idea many times in my life but the whole thing just seemed so odd. How could she possibly know how to help me if she only hears my side of the story? Would I really be honest with her? Would she have good advice?
I finally bit the bullet and made an appointment for last week. It was a strange experience to be sure. It was information gathering and that was about it. I just talked and talked and she just sat there. And then we parted ways.
Over the past week, I have found myself really looking forward to today’s appointment. I don’t expect life-changing insights really. But it’s time to admit that I don’t have it all together. Of course anyone who knows me recognizes this. I just need to be ok with it.
I feel good that I am taking some time to make sure my head is in the right place before this baby makes his arrival. My emotions have been so erratic that I need something tangible to remind me of all the love that surrounds. Therefore, I am humbly asking for help now, in this small way.
And I think it’s going to be a very good thing.